I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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