Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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