I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We are all done wearing pants today
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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