If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
