So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize