I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
