I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm having to shit out rocks
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