I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
