im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
