The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
