I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Randomize
