do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
