Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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