i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
