i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
