it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
