If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
