If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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