are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
