Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
