i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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