I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
