The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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