I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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