plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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