the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I love having hate sex.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
