Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
