do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize