How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
