It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize