so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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