girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
