my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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