Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
