Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Randomize
