thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize