Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
