I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
