I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's shark week go big or go home
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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