Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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