haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
