I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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