wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
