M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Randomize
