i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
