hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
