It's like God shit irony all over that family
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
