normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
