You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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