I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
