I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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