I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
