I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
