this boner is exhausting
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
