Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
