I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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