It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
