I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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