I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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