the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
