He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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