I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
