oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
